Bumps & Bruises
They Really, Really Loved Me
by Robert Davis

In the first of two three-hour workshops for a public seminar company, we found ourselves in a slightly heated exchange with a few members of the audience. I had shared an opinion about managing one’s boss and these few individuals shared their opinion that such was not possible. As you know, if you have never done something yourself personally, that is clear evidence that it cannot be done.

In the midst of this, two other gentlemen in the back stood up and left the room. Uh-oh, I know my own boss-whether he agrees with my management opinions or not-does not like it when people leave and want their money back! And it looks as if I have just scared two more people off. At least these others-the vocal ones-are still in the room.

What to do? There was no way for me to run out, catch up to the two disserters to ask why they left. And at this rate, I wasn’t going to satisfy the vocal two who remained. Yet I was mentally shaken enough to change my style. Any pro in this business ought to be able to shift style mid-stream, ought he not?

So I tempered my remarks. I lightened up a little and slowed down. I asked the rest of the audience, "how are you doing?" I paid closer attention to the audience to watch how they reacted to everything. Certainly these are good things for a professional speaker to do, and that’s how we continued for the next couple of hours.

You can imagine my surprise, then, when shortly after the morning program concluded, the two "disserters" came back to register for the afternoon program! A silent pager had alerted them to an emergency back at the office which caused both of them to leave; leaving had nothing to do with the heated discussion in progress. But returning had everything to do with the morning’s discussion! They had been impressed by my stance, my opinion and the delivery which was forceful (at least while they were still in the room). And they came back to hear more.

What a lesson to learn. Here I was thinking they were turned off by my comments. It was my fear, not the reality, that caused me to become less forceful, less of an advocate for what I believe to be true. My fear held me back. Yet all the time they loved me. They really, really loved me.

The Lesson: Be careful when making assumptions about what your audience is thinking when you speak your mind. Know your subject; then speak from the heart. Not everyone will agree, but they will listen better, longer, respect you and give you points for your conviction.